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FIND ME A JOB!


Ron Popeil

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how about stars gentlemens club in salem? I believe they encourage that behavior......your pay even increases if you do it....

 

seriously though....depending on what you want to do or what pay you are looking for you may check out LOWE's in lebanon....they are hiring for that distribution center. pays not that great at 12.50/hr. but you get to work 4 tens with three day weekends,......

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stars would be wonderful, if they accepted extremely skinny emaciated looking individuals who...arent female. the customers would have a hard time discerning my body from the pole i would be dancing around.

 

that doesnt sound too bad actually. especially right now. ive been to lebanon just a few times, what would you say an average commute out there would be? 30 minutes?

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thank you folks for the suggestions. jobdango and monster have both been useless. the DHS employment office has provided some leads, but most end in failure. college is useless. i dont recommend it.

 

as for a story, i will share it with you. since most of you are all mature adults, repulsed by the notion of childlike behavior in a grown up world, i warn you, i will have no shame in my past activities. you probably wont understand. here we go:

 

i worked at the corvallis petco for four and a half years. as the lead aquatics specialist and second longest employed associate at this location, i was very comfortable with the people i worked with. i essentially got paid to hang out with my fellow associates/friends, help people be successful with their aquatic animals, and avoid the annoying tedious duties expected by management. i very much enjoyed my job.

 

the general manager was suddenly required to enforce a tremendous amount of particularly irritating rules. now suddenly we were expected to tuck in our shirts. wear aprons. not chew gum. never drink out of bottles or coffee cups on the sales floor. shave regularly. all things to try to be more professional in a place that was anything but. being an elder employee at the time, i of course was not going to be hassled into participating in any of these trite new restrictions. i was going to drink coffee and talk to customers if i wanted to. tucking in my shirt looked ridiculous, im too skinny anyways. and wearing an apron? please.

 

so one night after we closed, i conjured up a bit of anti authority retaliation. i fully disclosed my intentions to my fellow female associates, both of which agreed to stay thirty minutes after their shift ended to watch. i neglected however, to reveal any notion of my plan to my mildly homophobic associate manager.

 

so i collected garbages as per usual, and approached the office to get the associate managers keys to unlock the back door. he handed the keys to me, and proceeded to let out a soft gasp. standing before him, i stood in my flashy blue petco shirt and a bright red apron. from his seated position it appeared i had merely removed my pants.

 

but as i took his keys and slowly turned around to leave, he screamed, as it became suddenly obvious i was not wearing pants and i was not wearing underwear. just my shoes, shirt and cute little apron.

 

of course, at the time everyone had a great laugh. sure, one of the girls took my underwear and hid them in the lionfish tank, sure the manager informed me i was actually committing a crime. but no one could keep a straight face, and no one was offended. i was one shameless man.

 

however, the corporate offices in california got wind of this via a yet-as-of-now unknown whistleblower of my behavior, and let me tell you, they were not amused. the human resources fellow i spoke with was absolutely dumbfounded than any normal person, especially young college age males and females, would find unexpected male nudity humorous. they suspended me pending an investigation.

 

and fired me three days later.

 

so there you have it. color me embarrassed.

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OK, I surely hope you found some nooks and crannies to tuck in the shirt as demanded (naughty)

 

You're going to have to change your name now so perspective employers don't Google your [language filter]....literally (whistle) Was that you I saw on CBS's Caught On Security Camera special?

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