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Only a guy would do this LOL ';-)


Miniwhinny

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Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

 

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife... A guy who purchased

his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

 

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest...

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a

100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

 

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no

long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

 

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

 

loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

 

AWESOME!!!

 

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is

on the face of her microwave.

 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking

that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving

target.

 

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a

second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself

against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as

advertised. Am I wrong?

 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses

perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

 

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

 

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms

and a major loss of bodily control;

 

and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out ofwater. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

 

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"

long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy,bitsy

AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no

possible way!'

 

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best .

 

 

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to oneside so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one secondburst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I

decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I

touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...

 

HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .

 

WHAT THE ....!!!

 

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door,picked meup

in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over andover and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side inthe

fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples

on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

 

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clingingto a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over theliving room.

 

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,

 

one note of caution:

 

there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodgedfrom your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A threesecond burst would be considered conservative!

 

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at

that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and

surveyed the landscape.

 

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The

recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it

originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still

twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my

bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.

 

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for

sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above

my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my

testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

 

P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift

and now regularly threatens me with it!

 

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

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Yep that's a winner for sure-Sounds about the same size of the one I bought my wife but the one I bought her is a 1 MILLION volt not 100K.

 

Just the sound of that thing arcing would make me want to run-

 

And whatthat guy did, that does not sound to crazy-I think its a typical guy thing-always curious about how things work-very analytical-(nutty)

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You know I'm not sure if it's the lower end of the scale or just as reefnjunkie mentioned that a lot of guys just have that curiosity and need to find out for themselves what things are like.

 

Glad everyone enjoyed it as much as I did. It was posted on a horse message board that I visit but I wanted to share it here with y'all :D It sure gave me a good laugh (laugh)

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You know I'm not sure if it's the lower end of the scale or just as reefnjunkie mentioned that a lot of guys just have that curiosity and need to find out for themselves what things are like.

 

 

Maybe both, I just like to think, not in that order-

 

Hey there was a pun in there

 

"like to think"-sometimes it hurts though-dryer.gif

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That is awesome....I love it and you are correct ONLY a guy would do it. I watched one of my friends who bought pepper spray at a gun shop....and not the $15 dollar stuff...he spent like $40 or more. Anyway, he was giving it to his mom so he thought he should make sure it works....his thought....I will shoot it into the toilet just to get an idea of the affected surrounding area first....well when he shot it bounced of the bowl with some significant force and went directly into his eye's and pretty much all over his face as he reacted to the initial blast....I don't know if you guys have seen someone get tazed or peppersprayed....but let me tell you. I grew up in L.A. and spent alot of time out and about in the streets....I have seen some....hmm....interesting things in my life. But those 2 are very funny to see....from a bit of a distance. Sure wish I had my video camera there.

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we use shock collars on our dogs, and i can guarantee, from past experience, that a taser hurts 10 times worse than a shock collar on the max setting

 

and honestly, a cattle prod hurts worse, dont ask

 

Cattle prods HURT!!! I worked at a rodeo for a while and the boys thought it was funny as heck to hot shot me when I wasn't paying attention. I learned REAL quick to watch the show from the safety of a stands....not the back side of the chutes.

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Cattle prods HURT!!! I worked at a rodeo for a while and the boys thought it was funny as heck to hot shot me when I wasn't paying attention. I learned REAL quick to watch the show from the safety of a stands....not the back side of the chutes.

 

Me an my pards at various rodeo's, bull rides, and gatherings used to have sword fights with cattle prods, you get real good real quick under those circumstances lol

 

If you want to light someone up, take a cattle prod and jab them with it right on the back of the neck or the base of the tail bone, they'll flop on the ground for 10 seconds or so, it's great LOL

 

yes, yes, i know, i have problems, just do what i do, deal with it

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Me an my pards at various rodeo's, bull rides, and gatherings used to have sword fights with cattle prods, you get real good real quick under those circumstances lol

 

If you want to light someone up, take a cattle prod and jab them with it right on the back of the neck or the base of the tail bone, they'll flop on the ground for 10 seconds or so, it's great LOL

 

yes, yes, i know, i have problems, just do what i do, deal with it

 

(laugh)(laugh)(laugh) See, I rest my case HAHAHAHAHA (clap)

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