Isaac Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Anybody got a good joke? Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He kept himself up all night wondering if there really is a dog.(nutty) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pledosophy Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I don't know any jokes but since this thread is getting no responses, I thought I could talk about something different. I mixed some different beverages last night and when I finally did pass out I had the strangest dream. This is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I actually had a dream I was a muffler. I mean who does that. . . When I woke up I was exhausted. I didn't know whether to go to a pyschotherapist or a mechanic! :D :D Get it . . . . exhausted . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alterego Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Here's one......What's brown and sticky???? A Stick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theJenchild Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 How do you make holy water? boil the hell out of it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCR Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I have the one's my mother told me................Can't say them here!!!!!! What's red white and blue????? Your face after i hit you..............At least it was clean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister crabs Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 ok heres one for ya... St Peter is manning his post at the gates of Heaven and deciding who gets in and who doesnt. Well all of a sudden he has to go to the bathroom really bad and spots Jesus walking past and hollers out for him to come over. He says, " Jesus, can you do me a favor? I need to go to the bathroom. can you watch my post for me? Jesus says, "Sure. But what do I do?" St Peter Replies, " oh, its easy. Just interview people about htier lives and families and such and see if they would be a good fit for Heaven." So, Jesus agrees and starts interviewing people while St. Peter heads for the bathroom. After a few minutes a very small frail looking old man with gray hair comes up for his turn to be interviewed. Jesus asks, " What did you do for a living when you were alive?" The old man says, " I was a carpenter" Jesus says "did you have a family?" The old man replies " Yes. I had a son but lost him when he was very small and never saw him again" Jesus thinks to himself, a carpenter with a son whom he lost and never saw again..? Jesus looks at the old man closely and says "Dad?" The old man looks back at him and says "Pinocchio?" (laugh)(laugh)(laugh)(naughty)(naughty) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reef165 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannedmulder Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Why did the arab carry a car door through the desert? In case it got hot he could roll down the window!!!(laugh)(laugh)DOH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pledosophy Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9 The title of the thread specified good jokes. (nono) (clap)(clap) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reef165 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 The title of the thread specified good jokes. (nono) (clap)(clap) With a 4 year old and a 10 year old, this joke kills'm at my house I call it 4 year old funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannedmulder Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 What do you call a master-bating cow? Beef Strokenoff! (whistle)(laugh)(rock2)DOH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsoz Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Why did the airport security take away the granny's knitting needles? They were afraid that she would knit an Afghan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pledosophy Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 With a 4 year old and a 10 year old' date=' this joke kills'm at my house I call it 4 year old funny[/quote'] Fair N'ough This one will kill a 4 year old. Why don't cannibals eat clowns . . . .. . ? They taste funny. ! ! ! ! (clap)(clap)(nutty)(nutty):p(clap) After the kid stops laughing they will ask you what cannibal means. DOH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reef165 Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 LOL!!! Ok, what dose a lb of buggers and a lb of poo have in common? They both weigh a lb. They both will start a lauphing frenzy when said in front of a 4 yearold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaac Posted August 29, 2009 Author Share Posted August 29, 2009 The Economy Is So Bad That… * I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail. * Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. * Parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children. * I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart. * Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pledosophy Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 LOL!!! Ok, what dose a lb of buggers and a lb of poo have in common? They both came from under your kids fingernail? DOH! * Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. (laugh)(laugh)(laugh)(laugh) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister crabs Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 what did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reef165 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 They both came from under your kids fingernail? DOH! No, he eats the buggys way before they can get stuck under his nails! and I wish that the poo was limited to just his fingernails! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael7979 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Heres something I found on another site.................... TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO THE NEW CHEAPER OBAMACARE HEALTH CARE PLAN: (10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters. (9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park." (8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. (7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" @ Roto-Rooter. (6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day ..." (5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. (4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error. (3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming." (2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them. AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED OBAMACARE (1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newfisher Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Another one for the kids: When you see a flock of birds flying in a " V " formation you ask them.." Do you know why one side of that formation is always longer than the other "? Because there are more birds on that side! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCR Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 What do you call 2 mice on a skate board?? Meals on wheels!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newfisher Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 What do you call a sewage/out house pump truck? Yesterdays meals on wheels Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racefan Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USCG CWO Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Sea Going Service Joke. The Coast Guard Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied. "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief'. Do I make myself clear?" "Aye, Aye Chief!" "Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?" The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief." "Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ....." and before anyone jumps on me yes, seaman is a rank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy-S Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 yo mama so fat even god can't lift her spirits! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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